CHAPTER FIVE – Do You Want The Good News or The Bad News First?

Have you ever notice how things can completely change depending on your perspective?  For example, imagine that you’re asleep–a nice comfortable sleep filled with sweet dreams and somebody slaps you in the face so that you wake up to a very sore cheek.  How do you feel about that person?

Ok, now say the same scenario happens, but once you’re awake the person who hit you explains that the building you’re in is on fire, and you need to get out before you’re trapped inside.  Now how do you feel about that person?

The Bible can bring about different reactions from different people.  For example.  If you don’t love God, and your life demonstrates a disregard for how he has told us to live, much of the Bible is going to sound pretty harsh–and even frightening.  But if you’ve been saved by God, and your life shows it through living the way he tells us to, then you’re going to read the same Bible with a lot of thanks and joyfulness.

So what do you get out of it–good news or bad news?

PS. I don’t know what happened, but this one has terrible sound quality too.  The others are better.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 44:07 — 20.2MB)

If you knew on 9/1 about the 9/11 attacks that would kill thousands of people in the Twin Towers, how hard would you try to save those people?  How much work would you do to convince the government to stop those flights or keep people from going to work in those buildings or whatever you could do?  It probably wouldn’t be easy because until that day, nobody would believe something like that could happen in America.  Would you try anyway?  Would you make sacrifices to save all those lives?

Do you remember watching as people jumped from the building and fell to their death because the fire was so terrible?  It was a horrible sight.  Would you work to keep that from happening?  Now how about the millions of people who will die in their sins and face much more suffering in Hell than anybody felt in the Twin Towers?  Would you do anything to stop those people from dying in their rebellion against God?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 35:02 — 16.0MB)

From Frog’s awesome wife:

It was a long time coming…but she’s finally here!  The cutest baby ever was born on Sunday morning , August 8^th.  She was delivered by emergency c-section, as her heart rate kept dropping and she was responding well.  We found out the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.  She did not start breathing on her own for almost six minutes after birth and was very limp and pale.  She was brought immediately to the NICU, where she was tested for various infections.  Her white blood cell count was very high, so the doctors were guessing she had some sort of infection and started her on antibiotics right away.  Every blood culture they took to determine a specific type of infection came back negative, so they never discovered exactly what kind of infection she had.  Thankfully, her spinal tap results showed that there was no infection signs in her brain.  It was a rough day for all of us as Baby wasn’t feeling well, Mom had to go through surgery, and Dad had to worry about both his girls making it through all the complications.  But it was a great reminder that even through the rough times we can depend on God.

Since the doctors had started a course of antibiotics to fight whatever this infection was, she had to stay in the NICU for 10 days to finish her treatment.  But she was already showing much improvement after the first few days.  She moved out of her isolette into a regular bed, learned to breathe room air and maintain her own temperature, and got her feeding tube removed.  Poor girl went through a lot during her hospital stay, but she was such a trooper.  She is perfectly healthy and happy today!

We praise God for His continued faithfulness to us.  We might have thought our difficulties were over after our 2-year struggle with infertility, but God proved to us once again that He can bring something good out of a seemingly awful situation.  The day she was finally released from the hospital, August 18^th, was one of the best days ever.  How long we had looked forward to the day when we would have a child in our home!  We are so grateful that our precious girl has no lasting issues from her complications at birth.  She is a wonderfully sweet baby and we are as happy and proud as parents can be!

Thank you for your prayers for our family!

It was definitely a rough day when she was born.  I remember that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when the doctor told us that the baby wasn’t responding and would have to be delivered by C-section.  Thankfully the nurse was happy to wait for me to pray for Jenna and the baby before they were prepped for surgery.  I had to put those paper clothes over my outfit, and then they let me be in the room during the procedure.

I always imagined that a C-section was a nice clean cut where the baby just slid nicely out.  But in real life, it’s more like a cannonball wound and the baby still has to be pushed through the opening.  I watched as they pulled the baby’s head through the incision, and unwrapped the cord and clipped it and handed her to the baby team.

The baby team went right to work cleaning her up and using the respirator to breath for her.  She was like a wet noodle and just flopped around and wasn’t crying or moving or anything.  The baby team was professional about it, but it was scary for me to watch my child not respond.  Meanwhile, I also kept an eye on my wife who was bleeding profusely.  The doctors were also diligently working on mom, but it was clear that both mama and baby were having complications.

As mom and baby were both being worked on I had the realization that I could lose them both on the same day.  And that was heart rending.  So I was fervently praying that morning for both my girls.  I told God I would trust him no matter what happened, but I prayed hard for the recovery of both mom and baby.  And praise the Lord, they both came through it well.

It was such a blessing when I finally heard my daughter cry.  And I love to watch her grow and learn new things on a daily basis.  And it’s so good to know my beautiful wife is well and can share her love with me and our budding family.

PS. If you’d like to read some of the back story to just how huge a blessing this baby girll is be sure to check out these two entries:

Praying for a baby

A miracle answer to prayer

John 15:18-21 “When the world hates you, remember it hated me before it hated you.  The world would love you if you belonged to it, but you don’t. I chose you to come out of the world, and so it hates you.  Do you remember what I told you? ‘A servant is not greater than the master.’ Since they persecuted me, naturally they will persecute you. And if they had listened to me, they would listen to you!  The people of the world will hate you because you belong to me, for they don’t know God who sent me.

Are you living any differently than the rest of the world?  Could an unbeliever look at your life and recognize that you belong to Jesus?  I’m not talking about having a Christian T-shirt or a Jesus fish on your car?  I’m talking about living a life that the world recognizes as standing up for and speaking out for God.  Jesus preached to everybody.  Do you preach to anybody?  Does the world even care about the kind of life you’re living?  Or are you living a life of exclaiming Christ to the world so that they have no choice but to respond to you?

THIS MESSAGE IS CUT OFF.  I don’t know what happened, but it leaves you hanging a bit.  So go listen to it and then come back and read the following, and it should all make sense together:

It says they brought the blood of animals into the temple, but dumped their carcasses outside the gate.  And that’s just how they treated Jesus…like a piece of garbage.  “Let’s take him outside the gates where we throw the trash.”  So this verse is saying, if that’s the way they’re going to treat Jesus, we’re not going to stick around either.  We’re not going to be friends with the people who hate and reject our Lord.  We’re going to go out where he was crucified to stand with Jesus.  If you’re going to consider him scum you can consider me just like him.  I’ll go with him and face the same rejection.  I don’t need to be popular with the world.  I don’t need to be friends with the world.  I need one thing, and he’s the one hanging on that cross outside the gates.  That’s where you’ll find me too.

James 5:10-11 For examples of patience in suffering, dear brothers and sisters, look at the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.  We give great honor to those who endure under suffering. Job is an example of a man who endured patiently. From his experience we see how the Lord’s plan finally ended in good, for he is full of tenderness and mercy.

Remember how they treated Ezekiel and Daniel and Jeremiah—any of those prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord?  Life wasn’t fun for them.  But we consider them blessed.  Why?  Because who had the last laugh?  How do you think Jeremiah is doing right about now?  How does Ezekiel feel now?  I think those guys are doing pretty good.  Right about now they are more than fine about what they had to endure.  Check out Job.  Do you think he is still upset about what he had to go through?  Or do you think he understands, even more now, about how compassionate and merciful God really is.  I think all these guys would tell you right now, that the suffering is worth it.

1 Peter 2:19-21 For God is pleased with you when, for the sake of your conscience, you patiently endure unfair treatment.  Of course, you get no credit for being patient if you are beaten for doing wrong. But if you suffer for doing right and are patient beneath the blows, God is pleased with you.

This suffering is all part of what God has called you to. Christ, who suffered for you, is your example. Follow in his steps.

Do you want to follow Christ?  Here’s the example he left for you: he was beaten and killed.  Still feel like following in his footsteps?  This is what God has called you to.

4:12 Dear friends, don’t be surprised at the fiery trials you are going through, as if something strange were happening to you.

This isn’t strange, it’s what you were called for.  Why are you surprised?  This isn’t odd.  You know what’s strange is when no one is persecuting you for your faith.  That’s strange.  We’ve twisted things all around to where we think someone is strange when people hate him.  We see the guy on the corner preaching the gospel and people are yelling at him, and we think ‘That’s weird!’  No, what’s weird is when we set our lives up to avoid persecution, so much so that you can’t name a single person who hates you because you love Jesus Christ.

2 Peter 2:2 Many will follow their evil teaching and shameful immorality. And because of them, Christ and his true way will be slandered.

Are you slandered for teaching the truth?

How’s this for a bumper sticker:

1 John 3:13 So don’t be surprised, dear brothers and sisters, if the world hates you.

1 John 3:16-18 We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our Christian brothers and sisters.  But if anyone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need and refuses to help—how can God’s love be in that person?

Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions.

What are you doing for the church?  We have brothers and sisters in need all over the place.  Are you doing anything for them?  What good are you if all you do is talk?  What good am I if just stand up here and preach?  I want to be with the people who are doing something to advance the Kingdom.  Who are you giving up your life for?

Rev. 2:10 Don’t be afraid of what you are about to suffer. The Devil will throw some of you into prison and put you to the test. You will be persecuted for ‘ten days.’ Remain faithful even when facing death, and I will give you the crown of life.

Jesus says life is going to be pretty bad for awhile.  Some of you will go to prison and be tortured.  It’s ok.  Hang in there.  Be faithful, endure the suffering.  That crown of life is worth it in the end.  But you’re going to have to be tough to get to it.

You know why we don’t see this around here—why we don’t have martyr stories?  Because we avoid persecution in America.  If Jesus lived here, you can bet he’d be persecuted.  You know why?  Because he didn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.  He spoke up.  He would’ve been beaten down in Rockford for the things he said.

The disciples too—they could have escaped persecution.  Remember the leaders said, “Just stop preaching about Jesus.” and Peter said (Acts 4:19) “Who should I obey, you or God?  Sorry, but we can’t stop.”  Paul could’ve lived a lot longer, if he didn’t go against the flow so much.  He could’ve taught, ‘Just stay safe in your homes and have fellowship with your Christian friends.  Let a few Christians in, lock the door, go to church on Sunday mornings, and then right back home.’

Paul could’ve lived a long time.  But he said “I know it’s dangerous there, but God’s telling me to go, so I’m going to go.  As part of it, I’m just going to suffer for the sake of Christ.”

The reason we don’t get persecuted is because we avoid it.  We’ve grown up with a gospel that doesn’t have any suffering.  We’ve just skipped over those parts and try not to stir up any trouble.

And this isn’t about suffering for being a jerk.  There are some people that say “Everyone hates me because I’m a Christian.”  No they just hate you because you’re annoying.  I’m talking about when you tell people they are dying because you love them.  When you tell people what the word of God says for their benefit.

So am I wrong about all this?  Do I have a different Bible than you?  Or are we doing our best to avoid pain and suffering?  Are you fighting for Jesus or just for what you want?  Are you fighting for anything?  Are you only paying attention to the verses that justify the way you’re living?  Being a follower of Jesus Christ, taking up your cross and following him, means this life is going to be hard.  Jesus doesn’t say “Just do whatever you feel like doing.”  His message is, come die with me.  It’s going to be painful, but it’s worth it.

Are you willing to suffer with him…to die with him?  I don’t like pain.  But if that’s what it takes to be with Jesus, I’m willing.  I want to be faithful even to death…even if everyone hates me.  Whatever it takes.

Maybe you’ve never really decided to follow Jesus.  I’m not going to tell you that Jesus just wants to be your friend and that you can say a prayer and everything will be fine.  But I will tell you that you need Jesus.  Your sin dooms you to Hell.  And you cannot save yourself.  You will suffer for all eternity for the crimes you have committed against God.  And if you want out of that, it’s going to mean giving up your old way of life.  Jesus said deny yourself.  Die to the old you, give up your wants, be united in death with Christ for the sake of saving people from Hell, and one day you will rise just like him, and live forever and ever with your Savior.

Is Jesus worth that to you?  Or is he just a name you throw around to impress your church friends?  Maybe it’s time to count the cost and make plans to actually build your faith or stop pretending—to put up or shut up.

I don’t want to drive anybody away from the church or from Christianity, but I would much rather convince 5 people to commit their lives 100% to living for God than to convince 5000 to pray some meaningless prayer, but never change anything about their lives.  How about you?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 25:39 — 11.7MB)

Have you ever tried reading the book of Revelation in the Bible and gave up because it was just too weird?  It’s a book full of symbolism and wild imagery that confuses a lot of people.  Some people probably find it more difficult to get through Revelation than the genealogies of the Old Testament.

Part of the reason for this cryptic language is that the book was written to be purposefully confusing to those in power in the Roman government.  Revelation was written in the midst of persecution against the church by Rome, and it talked bad about Rome and about the Caesars—especially Nero.  And since Nero already hated the Christians, John wrote this book of prophesy he encoded it so that the early church would understand it without incriminating anyone who might be carrying a copy.

That means the book was written for Christians to understand.  And if you can shift your perspective just a bit to the view of the Christians in Rome it might help make a little more sense of the book for you.  Like so much of the prophesy in the Bible, the prophesy in Revelation is meant to relate directly to the original ancient readers AND people in the future (like us).  So a lot of the prophesy in Revelation already came true in ancient Rome, but there is still a lot left to happen that we are waiting for.

Of course, with all the confusing pictures and prophesy aside, there is still a basic message that anybody can understand.  God very clearly tells the church where they need to improve if they want to be ready for judgment.  And that’s something that every Christian today should pay close attention too.  If any of the warnings God gave to the ancient churches of Asia Minor can be applied to your life, you might want to think about taking them personally.  God expects anybody who wants to survive his judgment to adhere to the same standards.  So Revelation is a very worthwhile book to read if you care about your own future.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:23 — 17.6MB)

Update on November 5th post:

First off, let me apologize for allowing so much time to lapse since my last post. With the holidays and spending time with family, it was so easy to let this just slide by. But I know some of you keep looking forward to me adding new posts and sermons. So I will get back to doing that on a regular basis.

We’ve had a lot of things going on between then and now, and I have really been looking forward to sharing this update with you all.

If you remember we shared some very tough personal experiences with you for a few reasons. One was to be an encouragement to others who shared in our suffering. Another was to help people be an encouragement to their friends dealing with infertility. And the most important reason was to talk about how great God is even in the midst of pain and trials. We are so thankful for God’s faithfulness throughout our lives. Without him our hope would have been dashed so long ago. But with God, we have found peace and even joy in the midst of our worst experiences. And Jesus himself said, “With God all things are possible.”

We have believed that for a long time, and we continue to believe it, and God continues to prove his faithfulness to us over and over. And we want to continue to be an example for you of just how awesome God is.

We are so thankful for so many wonderful friends and family members who have been an encouragement and support to us. Now let us return the favor. If you don’t know God, if you want a life filled with peace regardless of outside circumstances, the only way is through a relationship with Jesus Christ. And I’m not talking about praying some prayer and then going on with life as usual. I’m talking about a total spiritual makeover, where you surrender everything in your past—all your old terrible choices—in exchange for a new life of purity and commitment to the life that Christ commands. When you do that—when you forsake your wickedness and turn to God for forgiveness, he is faithful to forgive. And you can experience the joy of never being alone again.

Paul expressed his thanks for support and encouragement from his friends, and at the same time pointed out that even better was the blessing of living through Christ.

Philippians 4:10-13 How I praise the Lord that you are concerned about me again. I know you have always been concerned for me, but you didn’t have the chance to help me. Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

And I hope that this update from Jenna will be just one more encouragement in you grabbing at that chance to live through Christ:

If you haven’t read my first post from November 5th, go HERE first. Then come back for part 2!

I have some more dates to add to my list:

November 5th, 2009 – the day I posted our story online for the world to read
I had strange feelings on this day. On one hand, it felt great to get everything out on paper and actually SEE how God has been working all along. I knew I was being obedient to Him by typing up our personal story to use as a testimony. On the other hand, it felt a little awkward to have such a personal story out there on the INTERNET for who-knows-who to read! However, I got a lot of positive feedback from it, and no one has said anything stupid to me in awhile, so I think it was worth it! 🙂

November 17th, 2009 – the day I was told it was impossible to get pregnant
After my last visit to the infertility specialist at the end of October, I had to return for more labs. They drew about eight vials of blood and told me they would let me know the results soon. Almost three weeks later, I hadn’t heard anything so I decided to call. The nurse called me back a few hours later. She asked why I had called. Umm…because I had labs done a long time ago that you promised to call me back about, and it never happened. (That’s what went through my head, but I’m never that mean on the phone). 🙂 Her response: Oh yeah, the doctor wants to start you on a new medication. My thought: How long have you known this and when were you going to call me and tell me?? She goes on: You have a hormone level that is too high and it is IMPOSSIBLE (she really stressed that word and spit it out like venom) for you to get pregnant like that. I think my head was spinning at this point. How do you get a job working with people, not to mention highly emotional infertile people, when you don’t even know how to treat them with a little care and decency? I have never spoken to a nurse before who was as rude as this one, and to be that rude when delivering such news blew my mind. Also on my mind was the fact that I had never been told it was impossible before. I had always been given hope. And in that moment she told me, I thought: Well, that’s what you think. God can do it; He doesn’t need doctors.

November 27th, 2009 – the day I finally saw two lines
The day after Thanksgiving, I was relaxing at home with Frog and his sister, Joanne, who was in town visiting. It was late in the evening, and Joanne and I were hungry. When I found myself eating pickles followed up by ice cream, we joked about being pregnant. I hadn’t been paying a lot of attention to my cycle or what day it was, since it was the holidays, and I wasn’t expecting anything to happen anyway. But then I thought, maybe I should get a pregnancy test. We were going to Wal-Mart anyway to get some more snacks, so we decided to pick one up. (Apparently the two Thanksgiving dinners we had eaten in the past two days weren’t filling enough!). I told Joanne she would have to carry it around the store, in case we ran into any of my students. I think I saw at least three of them in there that night. Love the small town…really. I took the test as soon as we got home. I had barely set it down on the counter when the second line began to show up, very dark purple. I couldn’t even begin to count the number of tests I’ve seen with one line, but this was my first time ever seeing a positive pregnancy test. I was shaking. I couldn’t believe it. Funny how you pray and pray about something, and when it actually happens, you are somewhat surprised. Why is that??
I brought it out to the kitchen where Frog and Joanne were making some nachos, and held it out to Frog with tears in my eyes. I didn’t say a word, and he just looked at me in shock. He gave me a great big hug as I set the test down in front of Joanne, so she would know what was going on. She broke the silence by screaming. She’s enthusiastic like that. 🙂 I will never forget those moments. We stood together in the kitchen and prayed and thanked God for this wonderful gift. I felt so blessed.

November 30th, 2009 – the last time I EVER went to the infertility specialist
We had been told before by the infertility specialist that when we become pregnant, he sees you for your first twelve weeks of prenatal care, since they are the most crucial. He then “graduates” you to a regular obstetrician for the remainder of your pregnancy. First thing Monday morning, I called his office and asked to come in for a blood test to confirm what the home test had told me. I was also wondering if I should continue the medicine they had put me on to bring the one hormone level down, and wanting to make sure my other hormone, which was typically too low, was ok. The low hormone meant that I had a greater chance of miscarrying if I did not have any medication to increase it, which I didn’t. I was completely out. I got my blood drawn, went into another room to talk about these questions, and was confronted by the woman who works with insurance in the office. She flat out said we would not be able to be seen by the doctor anymore. Since we got pregnant on our own, insurance would not cover us to see him anymore. I asked what she meant by “on our own.” We have been seeing him for over a year, and you are telling me that nothing he did in the past year had any impact? Apparently not. She said that she would still test the blood she had just drawn and call me in the morning to let me know all the levels and what needed to be done. They wouldn’t bill me for that visit, since I had no way of knowing it wouldn’t be covered by insurance. I thought that was actually pretty nice of them.
We had no sooner left the parking lot, with the building still in sight, when my cell phone rings and it’s the woman we had just been speaking with. She told me I would have to have my labs redrawn elsewhere. Basically, they tossed my blood in the trash and wouldn’t run any tests on it. They KNEW my risk of miscarriage if my hormone level was still too low. They were the ones who TOLD me it was low in the first place. And they wouldn’t help me out at all. Again, I was so frustrated. At that point, I would have paid anything to know that everything was ok, but they didn’t even give me the option. We drove over to my OB’s office and I shakily tried explaining the seriousness of the situation to the woman in reception. The best she could do was have a nurse call me. No one seemed to understand the urgency in why I needed to find out if my hormones were stable. It was such a discouraging day, in what I felt was supposed to be a happy time. My friend Andrea really came through for me, and provided me with more reassurance than she probably knows. 🙂

December 8th, 2009 – the day I finally felt like a doctor cared about me
My OB’s office called and gave me the news that I was “definitely pregnant” and all my hormone levels looked good! It seemed like the longest week and a half of my life, but I’m glad it ended with good news! They even said they wanted to do an early ultrasound, which I didn’t expect to be able to have. I LOVE my OB’s office, and can totally see the blessing in disguise of not being at the infertility specialist’s office anymore. While I thought that I wouldn’t be as well taken care of outside of their office, since I’m just a “regular” pregnant woman to everyone else, the opposite is actually true. The doctor and her nurse have been very understanding of our situation and I never leave feeling worse than when I came.

December 10th, 2009 – the day we got to see and hear our baby’s heartbeat
One would think that having an ultrasound at 6 weeks isn’t all that exciting, since there isn’t much to see, but after 2 years of WAITING for the opportunity, it was amazing. Barely 4mm in size, the baby had a strong heartbeat that we could both see and hear. I thanked God, yet again, for blessing us with a child. I don’t ever want to forget where I came from, what it feels like to be infertile, or be ungrateful for what I have.

Today, January 21st, 2010 – our 12 week appointment
We got to hear the baby’s heartbeat with a doppler machine today. That sound can never get old. I want to buy my own doppler and listen to it all the time!
Time is flying by already, and I can’t believe the first trimester is OVER. I am slowly growing bigger and trying to hide it from my students for a little longer. 🙂 They would tell me I looked pregnant way before I ever actually WAS pregnant, so I’m really surprised no one has said anything recently. Middle schoolers can be so nice.
I have been blessed by people wanting to throw us baby showers, giving us baby gifts already, asking constantly how I’m feeling (although I have people who are mad at me for not being sick at all), and just having people rejoice with us in the good news. It was hard to tell all our friends who are still waiting for their children, but they have been so wonderful about it. I think most of them have taken the news better than I would have if the situation were reversed. It’s made me realize what a terrible person I can be sometimes!
I love reading about how the baby is growing, and what is happening each week. I am amazed at how God forms life inside a woman and how everything works together to create a baby. What a miracle! I’m sure I will be further astounded as I feel the baby move and kick, and definitely when I experience the birth of our child!
Our baby is due August 5th. We are so appreciative of all the prayers that you’ve given us throughout this time. We look forward to sharing more about how God is working along the way. We are forever grateful for the opportunity to become parents and raise a child to know Him. We will definitely have quite the story to tell our child about the journey we went on to meet him or her.

This is how I ended my November 5th post:
“I hope and pray that this month is when God decides to show up and bless us with a child. I can say that it will all be because of Him, because we can’t use any medical interventions to help us. All along I’ve prayed that no matter what happens that God will use our situation to bring glory to His name and to bless and encourage others. I think now would be a perfect time for that! But, even if He doesn’t decide to do that, I will still love Him, still serve Him, and still praise Him. He has been too good to me to do otherwise.”

If anyone takes anything away from all my rambling, I want it to be that God is faithful. He is loving; He is good. I know that now that I have been given the desire of my heart, it sounds easy to say that. However, back in November, when I had NO idea what was about to happen, I still felt the same way. When I stopped making it all about me, and started making it all about God, He definitely showed up and blessed us. I pray that if you are struggling with God or struggling with what YOU want, that you will trust Him enough to say, “Whatever you want, God. I’ll do whatever you want.” And mean it. Trust Him and He will come through for you. He will never let you down.

I wanted to share something that my beautiful and wonderful wife wrote about recently.  We’ve been dealing with infertility now for 2 years.  And that started with the most heartbreaking experience of my entire life…watching the death of my own child.  I don’t post this for sympathy.  God has not only helped both of us personally through this experience, but he has helped our relationship grow even stronger.  Only God could bring such a great blessing out of such a horrific tragedy.    That’s what he promises for everybody who loves him…

Romans 8:28 says “And we know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose”

Anyway, we wanted to share this online for 3 reasons…

The first is because we want to encourage others who might be facing similar difficulties.  It’s not easy to suffer this kind of loss.  But a cord of many strands is not easily broken, and we want you to know that you are not alone!

Another reason for sharing is to help people who might have friends and loved ones going through this kind of pain.  We want you to be able to support your friends through their struggles and not put your foot in your mouth.  Job’s friends said some extremely hurtful things in trying to give him advice through his loss.  In situations like this, it’s often best not to make suggestions out of ignorance, but rather to demonstrate your love and support without added “helpful advice.”

Finally, and most importantly, we wanted to share our experience because of something the apostle Paul wrote about.  He mentioned a difficulty he dealt with and how he repeatedly prayed for relief from God…

2 Cor. 12:8-10 Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away.  Each time he said, “My gracious favor is all you need. My power works best in your weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may work through me.  Since I know it is all for Christ’s good, I am quite content with my weaknesses and with insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

We really have found God’s strength in the midst of our weakness.  And since we have been praying that God would be glorified through this trial, we figured the more people who knew about what we have experienced, the more glory God would get because of it.  So without further ado, this is what my wife wrote:

A lot of dates stick out to me as important in my life.  I’ve always had a knack for remembering weird things, like dates, phone numbers, addresses, etc.  Sometimes it’s helpful; other times people look at me like I’m a freak for remembering such specifics.  These dates have been on my mind lately as I process what is going on in my life:

October 16, 2000 – the day I met my husband

I don’t really remember much about this day.  I know it was fall break, I was home from college, and my friends were trying to set Frog up with someone else who was already dating.  Needless to say, that didn’t work out.  He didn’t make that big of an impression on me.  He was just “Chris and Spring’s friend.”  🙂

May 15, 2002 – our first date

I was working at Chili’s one night when I saw a guy sitting a booth and smiling at me.  I realized that I knew him and it was Frog!  I went over to say hi and we chatted for a bit.  Before he left, he found me to say goodbye and ask for my number.  The next week we went on a picnic and to see the premiere of Star Wars Episode II at midnight.  I pretty much knew I was hooked after that night, even if he did take me to see a ridiculously long movie in the middle of the night.

May 10, 2003 – the day we got engaged

It was the night of Frog’s “surprise” birthday party, and I was not expecting a proposal.  We had been talking about marriage for awhile, but he told me he couldn’t afford a ring (liar!) so I was patiently waiting.  He wrote me a song, got some friends in on it, and proposed in front of many friends while I was cutting his cake.  I wasn’t paying a lot of attention to him, thinking he was being silly, till I heard the words “marry me” in the song and thought I should start listening!

February 14, 2004 – our wedding day

I couldn’t wait for this day.  Looking back, I wouldn’t say it was a perfect wedding day, but I knew that didn’t matter.  All we wanted was to be married and begin our life together.  I had no idea what that would entail.

November 5, 2007 – the day we agreed to start trying to have a family

For as long as I can remember, all I EVER wanted to be was a mom.  I know that when people would ask me when I was younger (and even in high school) what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said a mom.  My own mom must have been a good example for me, because I wanted to do exactly what she did, stay home, raise kids, and even homeschool them.  My parents forced me to go to college and get a higher education, so I decided to be a teacher in order to be prepared to teach my own children some day.

Fast forward many years, I was married and I wanted to have a family.  My husband had a lot of worries about being a father, so we put things off for awhile.  We spent a lot of time avoiding the question, “So when are you going to have kids?” (which I now realize is a very rude question).  I told people that I never wanted to have kids so that they would leave me alone.  I found out later that I had a lot of people convinced and they had given up hope of us ever having children.  Frog eventually realized how important it really was to me to have children (apparently I had him fooled, too?).  He came home one day and said he’d been praying about it and was ready to start trying.  I was so excited and sure we’d have a kid within a year.  I mean, who didn’t?  Everyone who wants kids gets them, right?

March 29, 2008 – the day we lost our first child

A couple days before this, I remember thinking that I would be so grateful for a child when I finally did get pregnant, since we had been trying for so long now.  I was actually about seven weeks pregnant at the time and never knew it.  Looking back, I should have realized, but I wasn’t one to test obsessively and get my hopes up.  I’ll spare you the details, but that Saturday morning was spent in two emergency rooms, taking an ambulance between the two, and being examined by no fewer than three doctors.  I found out that I was pregnant and, in the same breath, that I was having a miscarriage.  I will NEVER forget that day.  One, for the pain and sadness that I felt, and two, for the peace of God that I felt.  Sure, I questioned why in the world this was happening to me, but at the same time I could see how God was working and taking care of me all day long.  I was definitely devastated, and I can’t even describe all the emotions I felt that day.  If you’ve had a miscarriage before, you can probably identify, but I know all experiences are different.  Most are fortunate enough to not have to go to the emergency room and watch the doctor remove their baby and place him or her in a specimen cup.  I have always trusted God so easily, and I admit that this experience shook me up and really tested my faith.  I think I handled things well that day, but once the shock of what had just happened wore off, it got more difficult.

October 27, 2008 – our first appointment with an infertility specialist

So a year went by and we still had not had a successful pregnancy.  We tried to remain optimistic, but as that one year mark loomed before us, we figured there might be a problem.  I watched as friend after friend became pregnant and gave birth.  It seriously felt like every day I was hearing another announcement of someone’s pregnancy or birth.  We decided to see an infertility specialist to determine if there were any physical problems that needed to be dealt with.  Going into the appointment, I wasn’t sure what I hoped he’d find.  Either that everything was fine and I wouldn’t need any treatment, or that he’d find a cause and be able to fix it.  After many, many tests it was determined that I have slightly low hormone levels, which would prevent me from carrying a baby if one were to implant.  That was it.  Everything else looked great for the both of us.  We were sure that God had provided us with the solution to our problem…really expensive, really loathsome medication.  We were grateful though, that we didn’t need any surgeries or anything more serious done to fix a condition.  It seemed like a simple solution, and the doctor all but promised us we’d be pregnant by this Christmas (2008) or have a baby by next Christmas (2009).

October 26, 2009 – our last appointment with an infertility specialist

One year later, almost to the day, we found ourselves back in the doctor’s office.  The medication hadn’t worked, unless its primary purpose was to drain the life out of me and exhaust me.  It was awesome at doing that.  We had been through so many ups and downs.  Our friends were now having their second kid in the time that we had even been trying to have one.  We dealt with a lot of people’s well-meaning advice, which was actually just hurtful.  In case you were wondering, there are no statistics that prove if you just adopt a baby you’ll get pregnant.  You also cannot just take a vacation and magically come home pregnant.  Also, if you stop trying, you can’t get pregnant either.  Because, well, you need to…never mind.  And apparently we should just be grateful for the children that we have in our lives, even if they aren’t ours.  We stood by and learned of our students and youth group members getting pregnant and having babies.  It’s really easy to wonder where is God in all of this, when nothing seems fair.  The infertility specialist has said that we make him look bad, because there is absolutely no reason why we should not be pregnant yet.  Everything is working as it should be.  At this doctor’s appointment, we said we were ready to start pursuing other methods of having a baby, which we had discussed before.  The doctor decides to tell us that Frog needs blood tests done that he’s already had before, which run between $600 and $800, and we can’t have any procedures done until they do the same tests.  And that I also need to have a bajillion more tests done (I’m really surprised I have any blood left at this point).  At least my tests are covered by insurance, but since we didn’t find out about them until now, we can’t move forward with conceiving a baby.  Then we found out that the doctor’s office doesn’t do any procedures in December, so we are looking at next year before we can get anywhere.  I can’t even get refills on the medication I have been taking for an entire year until these tests are done.  To top it all off, the one test that Frog has had done, they lost the results of and he will need to do it again unless he can come up with them.  We left feeling more frustrated than ever.

Today – where I’m at and what I’ve learned

I am SO thankful to have God in my life.  I don’t know how in the world I would have gotten through these past two years without Him.  He has given me peace and reassurance and hope that I cannot describe.  I have definitely had periods of time where I felt the opposite of all that.  I remember one time I was unhappy about something and Frog told me to pray about it.  My response was, “Like that’s going to do any good.”  As soon as I said it, I couldn’t believe that I had.  I couldn’t believe that I had let myself become so cynical about the power of prayer, just because God hadn’t yet answered my prayer in the way I wanted Him to.  I’ve wanted to go back and start over and erase everything that had happened on this infertility journey, just so I could get my way.  Would that make me a happier person?  Probably not.

I know that God lets NOTHING go to waste.  He will not allow something bad to happen to me that He will not use for good.  Some days I find it easy to trust Him, and other times I have to CHOOSE to trust Him.  I let myself get worried and worked up over the circumstances I’m in, and I forget who’s really in charge.  In my heart, I really only want what God wants.  If God wants us to have a large family, then I am all for it.  If He wants us to never experience parenthood, then I KNOW I will be ok.  He is so much greater than I am and sees so much more than I can.  He knows what’s best for me, and if I’m willing to let Him, He’ll make it happen.

Would I go back and change anything in the two years we’ve been trying to have a family, if I could?  I don’t know.  I wish so much that our first child would not have died.  I would have a one year old today.  I imagine how life would be different and what he or she would have looked like.  I’m looking forward to meeting him or her in Heaven someday.  But, as weird as it sounds, I’ve become grateful for the infertility.  I don’t want it to last forever, but I’ve learned so much and grown so much that I have a hard time seeing it as an evil thing all around.

It has forced me to depend on God.  I can do nothing without Him.  Well, I can, but it doesn’t work out.  🙂  I’ve learned more about God’s character, love, and faithfulness to us.

I am more sensitive to others in my same situation.  I cannot even describe how wonderful the friendships are to me of those who are experiencing or have experienced infertility themselves.  I don’t ask stupid questions or make rude comments when people don’t have children, because I know the pain that it causes.  I believe God has used me to reach out to others who are hurting from infertility, and He has put others in my life when I was the one hurting.

I have learned about forgiveness.  This is because of the stupid questions and rude comments that I hear from people.  Most of the time they are unintentional, but if I were to hold a grudge against someone because of their ignorance, I would only be hurting myself.

I didn’t think it was possible to love my husband even more than I already did, but I do.  We have grown so close through this experience.  He has been my rock, my strength, my voice of reason at times.  I love knowing that he is behind me 100%.  I am so thankful to God for giving me a husband who is incredibly understanding and patient.  Part of the reason this is so difficult is because I know what a wonderful father he would be, and it hurts to not be able to see it in reality.

What started as frustration after all of last week’s appointments, turned into another, “Ok, God, I see what you’re doing here” moment.  He is always faithful and always sustains me, even when I feel like there’s no way out.  I was so discouraged thinking we would have no chance of getting pregnant till next year sometime.  Then I began to think that maybe God is the one who caused all of hassle with last minute tests and insurance changes.  Maybe He is trying to strip away any possibility for doctors to get any glory from this.  I hope and pray that this month is when God decides to show up and bless us with a child.  I can say that it will all be because of Him, because we can’t use any medical interventions to help us.  All along I’ve prayed that no matter what happens that God will use our situation to bring glory to His name and to bless and encourage others.  I think now would be a perfect time for that!  But, even if He doesn’t decide to do that, I will still love Him, still serve Him, and still praise Him.  He has been too good to me to do otherwise.

Feel free to leave any comments, if you will be praying for us, or if this has encouraged you at all, or if you just want to say hi.  Thank you for reading and thinking of us.  We appreciate your prayers so much and know that they have supported us.

***Check out the update to this story HERE.

We live in a fast paced culture.  Right?  Nobody likes to wait for anything.  We want everything now.  We hate red lights and long lines and people who show up late.  I’ve seen people lose it because they had to wait 5 minutes to get their fast food.  Just the other day I was at a stoplight, and across the intersection was a guy whose car had stopped running.  I could hear his starter kick in over and over as he tried to get his engine started again.  And when the light turned green, the guy behind him laid on the horn–several times. We love to be able to fast forward through the commercials.  We live faced paced lives.

But I’ve noticed that a lot of people who get involved with churches or pray some little prayer that’s supposed to magically change them into Christians are more than happy to wait.  Oh, they still want the sermons to be over fast so they can get back to more fast paced life.  But when it comes to making the world a better place, they don’t mind at all just to wait…to wait for Jesus to come back to fix things, to wait till they die to change their lives, to wait for somebody else to do something so they won’t have to.

So is that right?  Is that the way it ought to be?  Does God just want people to go to a church, sing a few songs, pray a few prayers and then sit around and wait?  The Bible seems pretty clear about how people who claim to follow him ought to be impacting and affecting the world around them.  Jesus talked all the time about helping the poor and the widows and orphans and prisoners and foreigners.  He was very clear that we’re supposed to stand up for justice and teach people to obey his commandments.  So then why do so many people who call themselves Christians seem to be waiting?

By the way, what are you waiting for?

PS. I mention a visual aid in part of this talk that might be a little difficult to see in the audio recording.  So for anybody curious about that.  I tied off a big roll of string and began to unwind it across the room.  A little way out, I used a marker to mark a tiny spot on the string.  Then I kept unwinding it all around the room.  I’d go all the way to one wall, wrap the string around something and go back the other way.  Eventually the string was unwound all over the place.  I thought it was fun.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 31:41 — 14.5MB)

Have you ever had a bad day?  I don’t mean like you got cut off in traffic or you had too much homework.  I mean things like losing a loved one or finding out you have cancer or losing your job.  We all have kinda bad days once in awhile.  But then there are those things that are just devastating.  What do you do with that?  How do you get through times when it seems like life is falling apart.

Maybe you’ve asked the question, “Where is God in all this?’  And people like to come up with all sorts of reasons why you might be facing trouble, when all you really wanted was someone to be close to you, to comfort you in your suffering.  Well, the Bible speaks to just that kind of situation, and gives plenty of examples of other people who have had to deal with true hardships.

(The first few minutes got cut off of this talk, but it still holds together pretty well.)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 28:03 — 12.8MB)

How many times have you heard someone say they’re sorry, but their tone clearly revealed that they weren’t sorry at all?  How many times have you been the person doing just that?  It seems like people in our culture have a difficult time actually allowing themselves to regret a wrong action or feel sorrow for hurting someone else or even admit that they did anything wrong.  We always like to come up with excuses for our behavior.  It seems even more difficult for some people to actually forgive when they’ve been hurt.  So what do we do with all that emotion?  And does giving or receiving forgiveness actually do us any good?  What do you think?

This talk I gave last year was an emotional one for me.  I even felt choked up listening to it again.  But I sure am glad to have learned some things about dealing with this stuff in my own life.  What experiences have you had that you’ve learned from?

Podcast: Play in new window | Download (Duration: 38:53 — 17.8MB)